Bigger, Stronger, Faster!

Halo: Reach Crotch Bug

Dearest Bungie,

In yesterday’s Weekly Update, you detailed a “crotch bug” that currently exists in Halo: Reach. Apparently the partially translucent Tool of Destruction field is placed upon the character’s codpiece region in the post game carnage report. Due to the semi-phallic shape, your bug-filing team deemed the frag grenade as possibly offensive. I would just like to take a moment to tell you I am absolutely outraged by this rather risqué happenstance. Seriously, could you have made his shaft any fucking smaller?! With a mid-September release date, you only have three months to turn him into a battle-hardened soldier. Clearly you have the soldier part down. Now get on the hardened already!!

Love,
bs angel

28 Responses to Bigger, Stronger, Faster!

  1. lozg1985 says:

    that spartan certainly has a lot of balls!

    • AvalonTreman says:

      More like, a lot of ball

      • xLAS3RP01NT3Rx says:

        One hard, explosive ball.

  2. You know i saw this a few times while playing the Beta and didn’t think anything about it other than a little smurk. This is why we love you Angel!

  3. Canuck-Errant says:

    BS Angel:

    I can understand the Bigger and Stronger, but… do you really want a *Faster* Spartan?

    Love,

    Canuck

    • bs angel says:

      Heck yeah I want faster, I got games to play. Finish up already!

      • Canuck-Errant says:

        Wouldn’t “Better” be… well, better? Or maybe “more skillful” but that doesn’t end with -er.

        • soulofaqua says:

          We’ll just make it skullfiller! emh.. skillfuller! I don’t care if it’s not a word! D:<

      • lozg1985 says:

        and here’s me thinking women can multi task!!

  4. hongoasdf says:

    Give the man some credit, angel. It does say “Tool of DESTRUCTION”

    Bam!

    • ComaToast says:

      … said the lady!

  5. DeliciousCube says:

    One of the many Armor Abilities.

  6. KalamariKidd says:

    Really… who would actually call their junk a “Tool of Destruction”?

    Someone has an inferiority complex methinks.

    • That Geek says:

      You really don’t want to know why. Lets just say it took a couple of court cases to clear up.

      • hongoasdf says:

        Kills: 2

        Once again: Bam!

  7. Queen 0f Blades (Sonya 00101) says:

    Good job, angel. Keeping your priorities in order. :p

  8. DeepCee says:

    Halo – Reach BS Angel Edition

    Pre-Order now and get an extra battle hardened spartan

    • bs angel says:

      Now that would be a truly Legendary edition!

  9. Kraken says:

    Well, what with all the sexual suppressants the Spartans are given, I’d say that’d be on the large side.

  10. Ray says:

    Wouldn’t you prefer the “sticky” grenades? lol

  11. Panncakez says:

    Now, now, Angel. Slow and steady wins the race.

  12. StuntDouble2483 says:

    This is the funniest god damned thing I’ve read all day. I wish I’d come here earlier. But I suppose a good laugh at the end of the day is just as good as one at the beginning.

  13. xLAS3RP01NT3Rx says:

    I knew this would be up here, hahaha

  14. Lol, I instantly thought of you when I read this update =P

    • bs angel says:

      Whyever would you think of me when you hear the words ‘crotch bugs’? :scratch scratch scratch:

      • xD

  15. iamkarlp says:

    I think the appropriate thing would be to remove all weapons and reinstate the brute spiker. That should be right there, flipped upside down. Every. Damn. Game.

    • InsaneViking says:

      Directional blast!!

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