Friday Caption Fun, Round 87

Halo 3 ScreenshotToday is April 9th meaning the 15th, the day Microsoft will discontinue support for original Xbox titles, is right around the corner. I highly recommend you spend your weekend playing Halo 2 (don’t forget to send your clips and messages to H2Montage@gmail.com!) but if you don’t have that disc handy, the Prepare to Drop playlist is there to fill your Halo 3 double EXP needs. I’m here for your caption cravings though so let’s recap last week’s witty responses and then we can tackle a brand new screenshot!

  • “Continuing the trend of gritty remakes, Oregon Trail is going to be the next to receive an update.” (dragnew)
  • “Bungie’s biggest mistake in Reach: trading in the Warthog for the Mass Effect Mako.” (mendicantbias00)
  • “Blue decided that the 3rd person animation for assassinations wouldn’t be enough, so running him down in a big ass truck would have to do instead…” (Spacepyjamas)
  • “22s weren’t enough. 34s, too small. Not even 50s could satisfy Dave. He just had to go for the 72 inch rims… and six of them at that.” (retinence)
  • “Yo yo yo, this is Xibit and comin’ up next on Mtv it’s PIMP MY HOG!” (ZZoMBiE13)
  • “Hey! There are no vehicles in Zugzwang Evolved! Also no running away allowed.” (Mike)


It’s a good thing the “no running away” rule is only applicable in Zugzwang Evolved and not across all the Halo games, otherwise I’d have to find a completely new strategy! Maybe that’s what Johnson and Johnson are discussing, a new strategy. Wait a second, … Johnson and Johnson? I have no earthly idea, but hopefully you do and you can tell me in the form of a funny caption. Off you go!

Halo 3 Screenshot
Author: tkdlachlan

115 Responses to Friday Caption Fun, Round 87

  1. JW says:

    “Brewery?”
    “No.”
    “Bakery?”
    “What? No, dude.”
    “Baby powder and diapers?”
    “…oh my god, YES!”

    • Wasiq says:

      “WE know what the ladies like!”

      I know BS Angel will like that one ; )

  2. Jim 028 says:

    “Well hello beautiful”

    There can be only one!

    • DuracellDurrell says:

      Upon encountering his doppelganger Johnson discovered that rather than eliminating him from the universe, the universe was forced to expand to encompass the shear magnitude of Bad Ass

      YOU! ARE! A! TOYYYYY! You aren’t the real Sgt. Johnson! You are a child’s play thing!

  3. Flying ViVo says:

    Is that a mirror? I LOVE mirrors!!!

  4. Crazeye0 says:

    You’ve been talking to that scientist, havn’t you?

  5. Panncakez says:

    “Bip?”

    “Bap.”

    “Bam!”

    *high fives*

    • pittofdoom says:

      The secret language of Sarges: revealed.

  6. Mizzy says:

    “Time for a double team!”
    “You want front or back door?”

  7. Skelbrute says:

    “Double the Johnson, double the fun.”

    “How many times do I have to tell you? Miranda is mine!”

    UNSC Project “Sweet William”… They got it right!

  8. A Deaf Boy says:

    “Finally, another black dude that isn’t a marine getting his sorry ass whooped.”

  9. Ny Hitman 0401 says:

    Halo’s Logic’s. Failure.

    • Nuclear Pi says:

      Sentences that include Halo and Fail or any derivitives of such do not sit well with me

      Just sayin…

      • Ny Hitman 0401 says:

        Thanks for being a complete, and utter douche bag. I appreciate it.

  10. porge says:

    Johnson and Johnson: A family company

    • Crazy A 64 says:

      Win!

    • xxxJL AUDIOxxx says:

      That was such a win I’m not even going to try and top it.

    • Weezey31 says:

      Ramirez! Make us some baby soap!

  11. one crazy idiot says:

    “Guinness!”

    “Brilliant!”

  12. unscspiritsoffire says:

    What does mine say?

    DUDE!

    What does mine say?

    SWEET!

    • Das Kalk says:

      lol who posted as the Spirits.

      come on guys!

      • unscspiritsoffire says:

        I AM ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL!

        • mendicantbias00 says:

          Sorry…must have something caught in my throat. o_O

        • bs angel says:

          :rofl:

        • LOL. High five indeed.

    • Arkonyx says:

      ROFL *high five*

  13. the_eNeME says:

    “Whoa… Can you turn this up? I LOVE rehabilitation.”

    –or how bout this one–

    “Okay, let’s meet our rehabilitation officers for tonight.”

    Please, for the love of god, SOMEONE get the reference!
    *hint*

    =)

    • the_eNeME says:

      Oh wait, that one was last week. Oh well. I’ll just have to build a time masheen and go back one week to post them in that thread.

      Okay, here’s what we’ll do. we’ll go to the time masheen, then when I get back to the past, I’ll post it in the other thread and fix everything! No wait a second… I already posted this here, so that must mean I didn’t go back in time right? No wait, hold on… It just means I haven’t done it yet. Okay. So I go back and I post it in the other thread, then it’ll be posted in this thread and I’ll see the response and I wont post it and look like an idiot. But then… why did I still post this here?

      Damnit!? How does this time travel work!?!?

      *gets arrested*

      =D

      • porge says:

        Idiocracy, good movie, but a week too late… and the time travel part fits in perfectly

  14. A Shaky Shotgun says:

    “I always knew I was a handsome man, but seeing this just confirms it.”

    “Finally, some one else who knows what the ladies like”

  15. Araknoros says:

    We heard you like powerful black figures in you videos games, so we put a Johnson, next to Johnson. So he can represent while he represents.

  16. Crazy A 64 says:

    After what had to be the most boring day of work in his career Crazy A 64 was convinced he’d started seeing double O_o

  17. Tank says:

    “We know what the ladies like.”

  18. NartFOpc says:

    “Now neither of us will be virgins!”

    Or, in Predator style – “You son of a bitch!” *BROFIST*

  19. xCxSTRYKEx says:

    To soothe upset fans, Bungle released this screenshot, revealing that Johnson DID have a clone who was actually the one killed by Guilty Spark.

  20. My Johnson’s Bigger!

  21. Travis says:

    “What number am I thinking of?”

    “69, dude!”

    “Whoa.”

  22. Unlike those chumps in ‘Back to the Future, Johnson doesn’t faint when he encounters his future self.

  23. retinence says:

    Cloning: How Sgt. Johnson really survived the legendary cut scene of Halo:CE.

  24. Das Kalk says:

    “I’m the real Johnson! shoot him!”

    “Cause i’m Sergeant Johnson, yes I’m the real Johnson, all you other Sergeant Johnsons are just imitating, so won’t the real Sergeant Johnson please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.”

  25. Nuclear Pi says:

    Contrary to popular belief, This is actually the last thing the prophet of truth ever saw

  26. Terminator182 says:

    Bungie came down to the last two Johnson’s left in the game code, after all others were eliminated like 5 times in Halo 1, once in Halo 3, but now Bungie gets to kill him twice in Halo: Reach.

  27. Personsen says:

    I don’t have a caption, but I know how to do that glitch!

    • Elitearbiter says:

      I really hope Angel puts this on the top captions, it would be interesting

  28. Matt says:

    “Somehow, I don’t think this is what Alex Van Halen meant when he said, ‘I wish I had two
    Johnsons!’ ”

    P.S. Angel, don’t tell me you really play Beautiful Katamari — that is the goofiest game of all time!!!!

    • Nate Cook says:

      “damnit are you high?”

      “no dude……… your high”

      “……….”

      “……….”

      “… What?”

    • bs angel says:

      Dude, I love Beautiful Katamari. I’d play it a lot more if I didn’t require Dramamine every time!

  29. jVictor says:

    “The attack doesn’t come from the front, but from the side. SHCWOOP! And the other two Johnsons, you didn’t even know were there.”

    • HarbingerDawn says:

      *insert raptor claw here*

  30. ZZoMBiE13 says:

    And here we see the problem with giving away codes to unlock Johnson in Firefight. Repitition repetition repetition.

    ————————————————–

    I like machinima as much as the next guy, but did we really NEED a Halo version of Micheal Keaton’s Multiplicity???

    • mendicantbias00 says:

      Someone else watched Multiplicity???

  31. That Geek says:

    “Oh no, the legend rule will destroy them.”

    This will make sense to someone.

    Honest.

  32. Rakolai says:

    “Johnson, you can’t do that! You’ll create a time-paradox!”

    When Johnson realized that there was no longer enough of him to go around, he simply made more of himself . By making another him.

  33. Mike says:

  34. Meet Sarge who’s been most everywhere
    from Zanzibar to Mombasa Square
    But Avery’s always in a fight, killing covies in his sight – what a crazy pair!
    But they’re Johnsons, identical Johnsons all the way;
    one pair of matching bookends, helping Chief save the day.
    Where Sarge adores a cigarette,
    pwning grunts, and hardly sweats.
    our Avery loves old rock ‘n’ roll, firefight makes him lose control – what a wild duet!
    Still they’re Johnsons, identical Johnsons and you’ll find
    they yell alike, they shoot alike, even know what the ladies like.
    You can lose your mind…..when Johnsons are two of a kind!!

    • Panncakez says:

      The Avery Johnson show is brought to you by… Traxus!

  35. Firestorm12 says:

    “This universe is only big enough for one Johnson.”

    “Well, Hawty did say she wanted more Johnsons in Halo…”

    • bs angel says:

      I really did!

  36. The Flying Spartan says:

    “Your fly’s open.”

  37. I see your schwartz is as big as mine

    • Matt says:

      WIN!!!!!

  38. Nate Cook says:

    “think of a number between 1 and 1,000,000”

    “ok”

    “is it 206,573?”

    “wow how’d you know”

    “eh, let’s call it a hunch”

  39. halcylon says:

    Mr. and Mr. Smith

  40. Mr Poe says:

    SJ1: “Keep your head down, there’s two of us in here now. Remember? ”

    SJ2: “That wasn’t even my line!!!”

  41. soulofaqua says:

    Johnson’s Johnson is so big it’s like a clone growing from his pelvic area.

  42. Schoony says:

    Who’s that pretty girl in the mirror there…
    What mirror, where…

    OR

    Dude I was supposed to come as Johnson, and you were supposed to be Lando…

  43. pwkwsfi says:

    I’m here from the future to tell you what the ladies like!

  44. Begocer says:

    Guilty Spark’s gonna shit bricks when these two come looking for revenge.

  45. Awesome;Opossum;McCoy says:

    “Finally! A pretty face!”

  46. XMixMasterX says:

    “Anything you can do I can do better!”

  47. Uccxxxv says:

    Strike him down and two arise to take his place.

  48. “I’m Agent Johnson. This is Special Agent Johnson. No relation.”

  49. Voicedwalnut says:

    Sargeant Johnson had the strangest sence of Deja vu that night

  50. Loz says:

    I came from the future to warn you, of a horrible lightbulb related death!

  51. Ben Of Bodom UK says:

    I’m seeing double! Four Johnsons!

  52. shadowmage1299 says:

    wait a sec if your not the evil twin and i’m not who is?
    (out of sight doctor)
    it’s simple, your OTHER brother :O

  53. Sean C84 says:

    “This is it, baby. Hold me.”

  54. JLay says:

    Johnson proves that ODSteve isn’t the only one capable of dual wielding splazers.

    ————-
    Miranda, “That’s not what I meant when I said I wanted two Johnsons ready for insertion!”

  55. SJ1: Hey punk, listen up

    SJ2: What’s up you much older, but obviously NOT ME old man

    SJ1: take this sports almanac from the future, bet on all the Griffball games, you can’t lose.

    SJ2: future!?, you’re stupid old man, now get out of my way, I gotta get to the “enchantment under the sea dance.”

  56. Mr Maliwop says:

    TIME PARODOX…….What the -boom-

  57. hongoasdf says:

    “Now make like a tree, and get out of here!”

    ——————————————————————

    “Black to the Future”

  58. Roaven says:

    Johnson’s first time to a Halo convention was….confusing.

  59. Amaterasu says:

    Cigar Smoke-off in 3..2..

  60. ‘You ever wonder why we’re here?’

    • “It’s just one of life’s great mysteries, isn’t it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God, watching everything, you know? With a plan for us and stuff. I don’t know man, but it keeps me up at night.”

      • xLAS3RP01NT3Rx says:

        What? I mean why are we out here, in this canyon?

    • Panncakez says:

      “Oh, uh… Yeah.”

  61. cyborgg says:

    The Halos wiped out all sentient life with one weapon: two Johnsons

  62. L337MA573R says:

    TIME PARADOX!!!!

    • L337MA573R says:

      You know what they say about Johnsons; the more, the merrier.

  63. Its Fun Time says:

    “Ted, don’t forget to wind your watch!”

  64. The first successful clone of Johnson gave gamestop the greenlight to give him out as a pre-order bonus

  65. Elitearbiter says:

    THIS is why you don’t have sex with your hot Mum, EVER!

  66. Tom Foolery says:

    “We both know what they do to prisoners”

  67. Firestorm12 says:

    “I can haz DeLorean, plz?”

  68. Divine Plan says:

    We know what the ladies like!

  69. cardo8 says:

    Would you like to share my rock?

    (sounds like a crack-head joke, actually an H2 campaign reference)

  70. FinAeros says:

    Johnson knows what the Ladies like.

  71. Cailus says:

    That’s the definition of “Kick Ass” right there.

    In all his life, the Chief had never had a holiday, genocidal aliens being what they are. However, the presence of two Johnson’s gave him the luxury.

    And God looked down upon his Creation and thought it Good.

  72. L337MA573R says:

    Once you go black…

  73. Admiral Madden says:

    Little did BS know that what you do to one of the twins, happens to both!

  74. Nuhmare says:

    And this is what happened when bungie divided by zero

  75. Mr Poe says:

    SJ1: “So…would this be incest or masturbation?”
    SJ2: : D

  76. ZZoMBiE13 says:

    When I heard BS Angel mention “Johnson’s Johnson”, I had no idea this is what she meant. In truth, I’m a bit relieved.

  77. Will Pwn 4 Food says:

    Yo dawg I heard you like Haloz so I got a Jonson for your Johnson so you can pwn while you pwn

  78. CyanDeadEye says:

    Begun, the Clone War has.

  79. SonofMacPhisto says:

    Hey! Let’s go ask Miranda if she likes Dr. Pepper.

  80. therealdrnog says:

    “hey Sgt. Johnson”

    “hey Sgt. Johnson”

  81. ya mum says:

    two johnsons meens two really lucky ladies or and very unlucky covenant army

  82. Natonator says:

    Johnson and Johnson’s new formula proved to cause many tears.

    “Double us’s!”

    Johnson 1 was then distracted by a dog with a puffy tail.

  83. parktatkrap says:

    WOW THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER MOVIE!!! GET TO THE CHOPPER!!!!!

    • parktatkrap says:

      i meant “LIKE THAT ONE ARNOLD”… forogt to put in the one

  84. FTTinc says:

    “I will if you will…”

  85. Owl Assassin says:

    Well, at least I haven’t no-clipped

  86. Poopie McGhee says:

    “Is it gay, or just masturbation?”

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