Cortana’s Heading for a Heartache

Using the Google web search engine provides the convenience of several extra features, one of which takes into account searches done by users all over the world and predicts results similar to the one you’re typing. I consider its returns right up there with the always accurate Wikipedia, completely correct 100% of the time. I’m just hoping Cortana doesn’t do the same searches I do because while her results prove her loyalty, Master Chief’s tell the tale of a two-timing heart. Before hitting the jump, can you guess who else happens to be on his mind?

Cortana Loves Master Chief

Master Chief Loves Samus and Cortana

24 Responses to Cortana’s Heading for a Heartache

  1. Das Kalk says:


    I do not get this.

    • ReverendTiki says:

      What’s not to get. MC loves Samus. If Google suggests it, it must be true.

      They would make some great soldier babies.

      • liphttam1 says:

        Aren’t Spartans incapable of having a baby because of all the radiation?

        That or it was something about messing with there hormones so they don’t feel love?

        Or was that spartan III and not spartan II?

        Either way I’m fairly sure that they wouldn’t fall in love, both are soldiers of little words.

        • staticrift says:

          In the books it mentions the genetic enhancements messing with their hormones, this means he won’t get any sexual urges. But does that mean he can’t love? Or remove his codpiece and make a little Master Samus?

        • Chris101b says:

          No, they can have babies, they just come out as a Campbell’s soup can. Either that or just an empty tin can depending on how much substance they will have as an adult.

    • Cleansing Aura says:

      That reminds me of a weird vid i saw. I can’t remember the name (a friend had it on their pc) but basically it starts out as a fight between Samus and Master Chief, then some covenant show up so they join forces to kill them. It ends with MC and Samus fleeing a nuclear explosion, then stripping off their armour (Master Chief is a chick apparently) and sitting watching the sunset together. Then After the credits there is a really messed up dance with Samus and MC leading a dance troupe of elites, hunters and grunts in miniskirts.

      The animation is quite good.

      MASTER CHICK! I think the name is something like Master Chick versus Samus, or something similar.

      • skittles says:

        thename of the video is Haloid by Monty Oum ^_^

      • DethPwn says:

        Yeah, I remember creaming when I saw that.

  2. Mr Viper says:

    Peach is a two-timing whore. Maybe it has something to do with Mario’s obsession with singing and farting.

  3. Poor Cortana indeed. She only gets 7 years to live, and the one guy she’s spent an extended amount of time with has his eyes on a girl from a totally different series. </3

    • liphttam1 says:

      Technically It’s possible that she will live longer. I mean she doesn’t die, she goes insane. So if master cheif is in cryo for over 7 years or so Cortana would not be dead.

      And not only that there was one AI that knew how to prevent himself from going insane, I think Cortana learned how too.

      I didn’t read all the books so I’m not sure.

      • I read four of them… or five, I don’t remember. I stopped reading after a while, I’m not really sure why…

        I’d like to know more about this AI though, do you know their name so I can look them up? I know she doesn’t technically die, but she goes rampant.

        • xLAS3RP01NT3Rx says:

          She could go rampant and become meta-stable like Mendicant Bias.

  4. Psychovandal says:

    This- is how that happened…

    • Psychovandal says:

      they have chief’s name wrong…it’s “JUN”…lol

      • Venom0425 says:

        I’m tired with this “Master Cheif’s a girl shit”.

  5. Google is spreading lies. I was talking to John the other day he is quite infatuated with his purple female.
    Damn you google. Cut the shit.
    ~Senior Chief Petty Officer Spartan-104

    • xLAS3RP01NT3Rx says:

      How the hell did you establish radio contact with said individual who is drifting towards an unknown planet in an unknown quadrant of random space?

      …because I would most certainly like to know.
      Please? :) (<– smiley because I'm not mean)

      • E X Z A says:

        Add on: How are you talking to someone who isn’t born yet as of now.

        • It’s obviously magic, duh.

          Or that time-altering crystal that Halsey was carrying around in one of the books. Which might as well be magic. I have to re-read the books again but I remember reading that and saying “lolwut.”

      • xLAS3RP01NT3Rx says:

        I didn’t put a smiley in my post. Now it looks all mean.

        • xLAS3RP01NT3Rx says:

          That totally made my day, so you know.

        • bs angel says:

          I was wondering if you’d notice that! :)

      • InsaneViking says:

        He’s a witch!

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