You Might Be a Redneck Spartan If …

When Xor1an and BonsaiHinoki get together to shoot the shit, they often discuss important topics such as their shared desire to own a pair of plush plasma grenades to hang off their rear view mirrors like fuzzy dice. Occasionally their conversations spin into other Halo-related areas as did their most recent thought-provoking discussion about Spartans who are of a lower socio-economic status. Seeing a void and happy to fill it, they came up with a handy dandy list for easily identifying redneck Spartans. Read, learn, and feel free to add your own!

You might be a redneck Spartan if ...

  • You might be a redneck Spartan if your Warthog has a pair of truck nutz on it.
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you use a Plasma Pistol to skin a deer.
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you killed said deer with a Spartan Laser.

  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you built your lawn furniture out of spent Covenant plasma weapons you couldn’t figure out how to recharge.
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you’ve ever actually eaten Jackal… deep fried… and breaded… on a stick.
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you’ve ever cloaked your neighbor’s outhouse with active camouflage as a prank.
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you’ve ever mowed your lawn by attaching Energy Swords to a Mongoose.
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you use plasma grenades and a box as a microwave. (porge)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you’ve got more destroyed vehicles in front of your base than working ones inside it. (Mizzy)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if your campfire consists of a flame thrower with the trigger duct taped down. (BrantonT98)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if your Mongoose is jacked up three feet and coloured a dark shade of rust. (Marksman)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you play Frisbee with trip mines. (HUSKYtheDEMON)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you plow your farmland with Choppers. (Panncakez)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you have Brute-skin rugs. (Panncakez)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you use the blood of a Brute as cologne. (PikminGod)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you’ve got Elite heads mounted on your wall. (Jeffrey)
  • You might be a Redneck Spartan if your Warthog plays a Dixie horn. (OwlAssassin)
  • You might be a Redneck Spartan if your flamethrower runs on lighter fluid. (OwlAssassin)
  • You might be a Redneck Spartan if you replaced your Warthog’s fuel tank with a keg of beer. (ultrawombat)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you have ever injured yourself playing with traffic cones and explosives. (suicidalkanoka)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you’re sad you can’t capture the Dixie flag. (chris)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you think Infection is what you get after doing your cousin. (chris)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if you think the Juggernaut is the guy who can drink the most beer. (chris)
  • You might be a redneck Spartan if Slayer is your nickname in bed. (chris)

38 Responses to You Might Be a Redneck Spartan If …

  1. IcyTreats says:

    What’re truck nutz?

    • Louis Wu says:

      http://www.toppranks.com/item.cfm?id=23

      • bs angel says:

        Hhhmmm. Looks like teaspoons.

        • IcyTreats says:

          Shoulda seen that one comin’.

        • The Real Dr Nog says:

          lol i saw those on a truck before

    • Skeah says:

      I’m not sure what’s worse; that I actually knew what Truck Nutz are, or that I was confused because I thought they were called Bull Balls… I have no clue WHERE this knowledge comes from, but upon Googling, I guess Bull Balls is a brand name or something >_>
      Bah.

      • bs angel says:

        I read blue balls through that entire message until the end. I like bull balls better. They sound bigger.

    • brad johnson says:

      I have a pair on my dodge. Cuz i live in arkansas

      • Marksman says:

        Makes sense.

  2. A Shaky Shotgun says:

    Jackal is not that bad, kinda tastes like duck. Hard part is getting it out from between your tooth.

    • lol @ tooth

  3. Xor1an says:

    I love the screenshot!

    I really can’t take any credit for these, it was all my friend who came up with them. I was just laughing (and copying them down). I look forward to responses with more suggestions.

    • bs angel says:

      I thought that screenshot complemented the article perfectly. I was hoping you would like it!

  4. HUSKYtheDEMON says:

    if youve used a grav hammer as a flag pole

  5. ZZoMBiE13 says:

    That’s nonsense. Everyone knows you attach the Plasma Blades to a Ghost when you want to mow your lawn!

    • IcyTreats says:

      Or, you could use a chopper. Yard’ll get kinda messy though.

      • 3l1730d57 says:

        In the Halo books, choppers were the engineer “Lighter than some”‘s variation on a UNSC tractor.

  6. porge says:

    You might be a redneck spartan if you use plasma grenades and a box as a microwave? I dunno, best I’ve got

  7. Mizzy says:

    You might be a redneck Spartan if you’ve got more destroyed vehicles in front of your base than working ones inside it.

  8. BrantonT98 says:

    You might be a redneck Spartan if your campfire consists of a flame thrower with the trigger duct tapped down.

  9. Marksman says:

    You might be a redneck Spartan when your mongoose is jacked up 3 foot and coloured a dark shade of rust.

  10. H’yuck.

  11. HUSKYtheDEMON says:

    if you get put in jail for mudering with traffic cones? hell, I dunno.

    • suicidalkanoka says:

      You might be a redneck Spartan if you have ever injured yourself playing with traffic cones and explosives.

  12. DethPwn says:

    I thought Jackals were weasels with snipers and mohawks. Huh.

  13. Glasses Guy says:

    Since I couldn’t afford cloaking, I just put a trip-mine in the outhouse.

  14. HUSKYtheDEMON says:

    You might be a redneck Spartan if you play frisbee with trip mines…ACTIVE tripmines.

  15. Ny Hitman 0401 says:

    Number 5 reminds me of out Thanksgiving dinner :)

  16. Panncakez says:

    You might be a redneck Spartan if you plow your farmland with Choppers.

    You might be a redneck Spartan if you have Brute-skin rugs.

    That’s all I’ve got, for now.

  17. Radius says:

    You might be a Redneck Spartan if whenever someone says Covanent, you yell “DEY TOOK ‘UR JOBS!!!”

  18. PikminGod says:

    You might be a redneck spartan if you use the blood of a Brute as cologne.

    http://www.brutworld.com/products_cologne.aspx

  19. Big Appleton says:

    You might be a redneck Spartan if you enjoy Shotty Sniper with a keg of beer

  20. Jeffrey says:

    You might be a redneck spartan if you got elite heads mounted on your wall.

    You might be a redneck spartan if you have grunt coffee tables.

  21. OwlAssassin says:

    You might be a Redneck Spartan if your warthog plays a dixie horn.

    You may also be a Redneck Spartan if your flamethrower runs on lighter fluid.

  22. Panncakez says:

    Yay! Both of my ideas got mentioned! Thanks, Angel!

  23. ultrawombat says:

    You might be a Redneck Spartan if you replaced your warthog’s fuel tank with a keg of beer.
    You might be a Redneck Spartan if you convert your warthog into a mobile cooler.

  24. chris says:

    you might be a redneck spartin if you’re sad that you cant capture the dixie flag

    or if you think infection is what you got after doing your cousin

    or if you think the juggernaught is the guy who can drink the most beer

    or if slayer is what your nickname in bed is

  25. FinAeros says:

    You might be a redneck Spartan if your Warthog has the General Lee’s paint job.

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