The Katonian Press: Valve Announces Thanksgiving DLC Just in Time for the Holidays

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Valve Announces Thanksgiving DLC Just in Time for the Holidays

TurkeyBellevue, WA – Just a week after the release of their zombie-survival sequel, Left 4 Dead 2, Valve Software has announced the first in what no doubt will be a series of themed Downloadable Content (DLC) packs for the game. The Thanksgiving Pack bridges the original title and its sequel by having all eight survivors meet to celebrate the holiday and give thanks that they survived the zombie apocalypse. The campaign, entitled “Pass The Stuffing”, starts the players among the zombie-infested floats of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and follows them as they fight through hordes of the infected, hoping to make it to the safe house in time for supper. Press release follows:

Bill, Louis, Francis, Zoey, Coach, Ellis, Nick, and Rochelle have waded through wave after wave of zombie hordes, fighting for their very survival in a world where a massive outbreak has doomed most of the population. Having been rescued close to a dozen times, the plucky band of survivors finally get a well-deserved respite, just in time for Thanksgiving! They decided to get together and celebrate their good fortune, but wait, whose turn was it to buy the turkey? The survivors are dropped right in the middle of a zombie-run Macy’s Parade and once again have to fight for lives–watch out for the giant Zombie Snoopy float!–in the hopes of making their way to a grocery store that’s still open, not overrun by zombies, and stocked with enough turkey, stuffing mix, and cranberry sauce to satisfy Coach! And then, when it seems like they’ve finally made it to the safe house to enjoy their meal, they have to work out how they are going to fit everyone around the table (no one wants to sit next to the Boomer) and who gets stuck at the kiddie table with The Witch.

Along the way they’ll encounter a host of new special infected, including the Drunken Zombie Relative who gets grabby when they’ve had a few and doesn’t know what’s considered appropriate conversation at the dinner table. There’s also the Zombie Neighbor who just stops by to say “Brainssss” but stays long enough to help himself to a drumstick and two slices of pie. And of course there’s the dreaded Reanimated Zombie Turkeys which assail players with a stream of desiccated stuffing from their flavor-holes, causing the survivors to slow and get incredibly sleepy. Rounding it out is Zombie Dad asleep on the couch. Don’t turn off the TV or you’ll awaken him and his ire!

Of course the survivors will get a batch of new weapons and packs to combat the restless and hungry hordes. Don a Pilgrim hat and take on zombies the colonial way: with an antique blunderbuss! Or grab a baster to moisten up those terrifyingly dry Zombie Turkeys. Guzzle down a quart of eggnog–it’ll slow you down, but it’ll numb the pain. Unwrap a can of those Pillsbury Crescent Rolls and toss it into the fray and watch it explode in a doughy mess! And finally, there’s the dreaded Cornucopia. No one knows exactly what it is, or how you use it, but it’s there. Find it, equip it, and tell us what it does. Even we don’t know. Maybe it shoots decorative gourds. Yea, that sounds about right.

This holiday season the streets will be filled with blood and cranberry sauce. On Thanksgiving don’t forget to… Pass The Stuffing.

Shortly after the announcement, Valve added that players purchasing the DLC will also be eligible for the Left 4 Dead 4 demo, the full version of which they announced was canceled to make way for Left 4 Dead 5 (whose box art, incidentally, just features a bloody stump).

kato
witfits [at] gmail [dot] com
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15 Responses to The Katonian Press: Valve Announces Thanksgiving DLC Just in Time for the Holidays

  1. I know all about that zombie that gets grabby after a few. *shudder*

  2. Poopie McGhee says:

    Sweet…

  3. drake_p says:

    This was HILARIOUS! I love it. Pass The Stuffing… Brilliant. And the bloody stump part aat the end made me die laughing too.

  4. TrAvIs 6t6 says:

    That would be AWESOME!!!

    • IcyTreats says:

      ..I still haven’t picked up L4D2, but I plan to.
      Is it good?

      • Sailor Harry says:

        Actually much better than I thought it would be.

  5. MerryDragon says:

    “a stream of desiccated stuffing from their flavor-holes”

    I laughed. Hard. It woke the cat up. :)

  6. RevMDN says:

    I think 2 is harder, and the AI is terrible this time around. But over all it’s a must have.

  7. I need to pick this up, then I can give artificial inseminations to the zombies with the turkey baster….

    • IcyTreats says:

      *mental image forms*

      MY EYES, THEY BURNNNN!

  8. This would be an awesome DLC!

    • Das Kalk says:

      AGREED!

  9. DethPwn says:

    Nice one, Kato! I’m glad I can actually get this reference!

  10. HellCat says:

    Great work. I really Need Left 4 Dead 1

  11. The Real Dr Nog says:

    this is fake right

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