The Katonian Press: Mother Expresses Concern At Lack of Butterfly-Related Games

The Katonian Press, a regular offering brought to you by the evil genius and criminal mastermind behind the always scintillating WITFITS, will soon be your best source for weekly fake gaming news, assuming it’s not already. Grab a cup of coffee, open up The Katonian Press, and enjoy it for what it is: a satirical look at various things gaming-related.

Mother Expresses Concern At Lack of Butterfly-Related Games

halo 3 screenshotParma, OH – Linda Fuller expressed her concern recently at the prevalence of violent video games on the market and the notable absence of those centered around Lepidoptery.  Linda made her feelings known on a visit to her adult son’s home after spotting several jewel cases strewn about his coffee table. “They have all these games about killing people,” she noted, in her chiding, mother’s tone.  “Why can’t someone make a game…” she paused, considering her ideal gaming experience, and continued: “Why can’t someone make a game about hatching butterflies?”

Linda, a former Sunday School teacher with no previous experience as an analyst (excluding her prediction that Wal-Mart would drive local mom and pop stores out of business), had made an astute observation.  Currently, there are no games on the market that focus solely on the hatching and rearing of butterflies or moths, a genre that Mrs. Fuller clearly believes is underrepresented.

“Well, I think there’s that one PS3 game that’s kinda like that,” recalled Linda’s son Tom, vaguely, attempting not to notice his girlfriend’s eyes rolling so hard he could almost hear them clicking. The game in question, ThatGameCompany’s Flower, features levels described by WikiPedia as “[taking] place in a different flower’s dream as it sits on the windowsill of a dull city apartment.”  Colorful and pastoral, but lacking in butterflies.

In previous years, one might have expected just this type of game to come out of Will Wright’s Maxis Software (a subsidiary of Electronics Arts).  The early 1990’s were dominated by Maxis titles simulating everything from urban planning to farms, and even the planet Earth itself.  The company touched upon insect simming in their 1991 title SimAnt, which introduced gamers to trophallaxis (ant barf) and the Sarlacc of the formicid world, the Antlion.  In recent years, however, they have have consolidated their efforts into the simulation of virtual people with their best-selling series, The Sims.  It is rumored that Will Wright is actually a simulation himself, designed to simulate designing simulation games.

Tom’s girlfriend attempted to assuage Mrs. Fuller a bit by showing her the “Butterfree” in Rare’s Viva Piñata as an example of an idea similar to her own.  The plan backfired when the butterfly piñata was violently smashed open and the other inhabitants hungrily devoured its candy innards.  This was not the type of experience Linda was looking for.  “No thank you!” she was reported as saying.

Linda later told her best friend Cheryl of her idea over the phone.  Cheryl agreed, saying, “Someone should really do that.  You know, you should become a game designer. Show them a thing or two.”

Linda Fuller is currently entertaining the prospect and already has a second game in mind involving “filling bird feeders and maintaining birdbaths.”

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12 Responses to The Katonian Press: Mother Expresses Concern At Lack of Butterfly-Related Games

  1. neoxdonut says:

    When Butterfly’s Attack!, a game with that title would sell.

  2. Great read, excellent as always!

  3. IcyTreats says:

    Wow. Can you imagine waiting…idk, 3 weeks on end to just see a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis and this:
    *bleep bloop*
    Achievement Unlocked: 1000G
    Beat the game 100%.

    • Monkey_lord says:

      I guess the Achievement breakdown goes to:

      Eating green 25G: eat some green so a bird can be full.

      No steppin’ 25G: Avoided being crushed, but it must have been worth it.

      Transform and stay put 25G: not as fun as you think.

      Ima butterfly 25G: Congratulations your a butterfly, you’ll die soon but longer than a fly.

      Normal Difficulty 100G: I plays it self.

      Medium Difficulty 100G: Harder but think again.

      Hard Difficulty 100G: Still plays it self. Don’t expect a DLC.

      Your still playing this game? 600G: Hooray good job for you, now go buy Halo 3 ODST.

      • IcyTreats says:


  4. I lol’d at Will Wright being a simulation to simulation simulation games.

  5. cbd says:

    The sad part is, I could see a mom somewhere actually going on a rant like this

    • Cyanide & Happiness says:

      You know mine too well then!

  6. Silen7 Sam Strikes Back says:

    They have a game with butter flys Godzilla

  7. Kato says:

    Incidentally, I have to give credit where credit is due, that story image comes from MEGATRON70’s service record. For whatever reason, it cracks me up every time I see it. It’s just so perfectly ridiculous.

  8. Qwepir says:

    The reason there aren’t any butterfly-related games out there is because they’d be boring. Mom, stay out of Tommy’s video games unless you’re playing some splitscreen with him.

  9. DethPwn says:


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