Top Ten Halo Multiplayer Maps I’d Like to Reside Upon

Many of the multiplayer maps available in the Halo trilogy have extraordinarily varied and unparalleled characteristics. From vast, snow-covered tundras to warm, shark-infested beaches to box canyons in the middle of nowhere, the virtual environments are all very unique. Occasionally we come across a map that we would vacation upon if given the opportunity, but what about if it came down to committing to a permanent residence? I like to be prepared for any given situation so these are my top ten Halo maps that I would inhabit in a heartbeat. If only, right?


Top Ten Halo Multiplayer Maps I'd Like to Reside Upon


10. Standoff


Standoff, a beautiful patch of land full of rolling, grassy knolls, is surrounded by cliffs. It also has a plethora of massive radio dishes, some temptingly close and others off in the distance. Not withstanding the fact that the base would make a perfect home (which even comes equipped with an automatic garage door opener!), I’m sure those big ass antennas would pick up some cable as well. Can you even imagine how many channels you could get with all of those dishes?! I would never get off the couch again. As if I get off the couch now.


9, Guardian


I love entertaining, and that wouldn’t change simply because I was a resident in the Halo world. That’s why Guardian, a gorgeous map set in a jungle-surrounding ancient Forerunner complex, would be the perfect place to call home. While the dance floor in the center is the main draw, imagine how amazing the blue room would be with a few strobe lights and loud, pulsating music. The blue room just became the new green room. Party at my place! But only after I pick up the explosive barrels littering the joint.



8. Terminal


I am an extremely lazy person so the draw of having a public transportation system readily available is simply too tempting to pass up. That’s why I wouldn’t hesitate for a second before moving into Terminal. Set in a huge train station, light rail trains travel through the city on a regular basis. I would call the room above the base my home and spend my days riding the train. I’d probably practice announcing as well as I’ve always wanted to voice a GPS. “Turn left after one block. I said LEFT! Oh my gawd, you missed the fucking turn you douchebag. If you think I’m going to reroute your entire course, you’re fucking crazy. Good luck finding your way there, Mr. I Can’t Follow a Single Direction.” Good times, good times!



7. Gephyrophobia


Sometimes you feel the sudden urge to live your life on the edge, and what better place to do that than Gephyrophobia? While taking up residence on a bridge that hangs high above a misty pit would be somewhat terrifying, imagine all the fun things you could do. You could set up a tight rope between the ledges or you could race your ghost haphazardly around the track, but my personal favorite would be setting up a place to go bungee jumping straight into the foggy chasm. Or would that be Bungie jumping? Either way, sign me up.



6. Containment


Containment is a massively large, primarily open winter wonderland. That is why it’s the perfect place for absolutely any activity requiring biting cold temperatures and a plethora of frozen precipitation. Skiing? Plenty of slopes for that. Sledding? Have at it on the abundance of hills. Personally, I would keep myself busy by utilizing the tunnels on both sides of the map as tubes for bobsleighing. I think everybody has wished at some point they could try that sport. And if you say you haven’t, you should be on the bottom of the ocean floor because clearly you are lying. Get it? I’ve been working on that one.



5. Colossus


Colossus is an indoors map with numerous ramps, levels, and plasma pistol/battle rifle combinations. More importantly though, it has a gigantic gravity lift that shoots you soaring straight upwards into the sky. Assuming you get the angle correct, you can keep bouncing on the lift for an indefinite period of time. I used to do that during actual games, but unfortunately my fun was typically cut short by a sniper round to the face. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen in real life too.



4. Foundry


I have a thing for rearranging furniture and also redesigning areas that were just designed the day before. I can’t help it, that’s just the way it is. For the simple ease of the original blank slate and Forge mode, I think Foundry and I are a natural fit. I have no doubt the map would see a different setup every single day if I resided there. And you know what? I’m ok with that.



3. Orbital


Orbital is the inside of a cargo-transporting docking station which means there is a generous amount of computerized technology housed within its confines. Considering how high tech the environment is, I’m assuming there are a multitude of fancy computers just waiting to be gamed on. I’m picturing my arrangement similar to the crazy WoW setup. I imagine the multitude of computers would be quite conducive to my blogging as well. I’m going to go ahead and apologize for that now.



2. Last Resort


Summer to me is delicious outdoor barbecues, sunset walks along the warm beach, swimming and wading in the ocean, and the abundance of females wearing less than the normal amount of clothing. Offering a protective covered area, an exposed area, and everything in between, I think all of those things are a given on Last Resort. Well, at least the females with less clothing one is. This is me we’re talking about after all.



1. Turf


Turf spans a small city block complete with numerous stores and even a handy-dandy medic hut. The swine flu, maybe you’ve heard of it? Yeah, I’ll be moving into the med tent tomorrow.


Maps I Would Not Want To Live On

  • Sandtrap: I can’t even begin to imagine how much dusting would be required in order to live in Sandtrap. I’ll pass on that, thanks.
  • Zanzibar: As much as I would enjoy reenacting Jaws, I think I’ll pass on this one too. Someone else will have to be the shark fodder of the day.
  • Isolation: All I have to say is venereal disease, Isolation haz it.

*A special thank you to bobcast, who would love nothing more than being able to reside in between Burial’s Mounds, for the idea!

62 Responses to Top Ten Halo Multiplayer Maps I’d Like to Reside Upon

  1. Lol @ Isolation. As all the kids are saying today, “Tru dat.”

  2. JLay says:

    Isolation is the home of Gravemind’s hemroidal sphincter! And no one likes to eat where they $h17.

    • Gi85on says:

      I’m eating right now but after reading that I think I’ve lost my appetite!

      • JLay says:

        Anytime you read Hawty’s blog while eating you run the risk of choking, gagging, or spitting food across the room from out of your nose with laughter. Sounds like a dangerous proposition, so take care my friend ;)

  3. pittofdoom says:

    What the heck is Gephyrophobia? I’ve never heard of it…

    • Errod says:

      It is one of the extra maps in HALO CE for PC.
      It was… IS quite awesome.
      Nice to see it in your list angel! Got a lot of good memories from that map :)

    • Naepa34 says:

      Its a map from Halo 1.

    • Qix says:

      Never played it, but looks cool:

      Also google led me to believe that the word means fear of bridges… Makes sense.

      • Mat says:

        So basically, Halo 1 version of Narrows? OK.

        • Whaappened says:

          Awesome map. Truly awesome.

  4. Naepa34 says:

    I’ve always thought High Ground would be fun to live on. It has a beach, garage, large base, and a big front door.

  5. ReverendTiki says:

    i would have to replace last resort with zanzibar, its just better. and no valhalla, lake base FTW

  6. Das Kalk says:

    All that talk about how beautiful Ghost Town is and it’s not on the list?

    it’s definitely my #1

    • Ghost town is nice, but it’s a real fixer-upper.

      • bs angel says:

        My thoughts exactly! Plus, I have the opposite of a green thumb. Somehow I can kill even the sturdiest of plants.

        • MGH1138 says:

          Really? I’ve got some poison ivy in backyard that I’m trying to get rid of. Loan me your green thumb?


        • WldrAngel says:

          Angel, sounds like your green thumb would do best on Sandtrap. No worries there!

        • bs angel says:

          LOL, I think you are exactly right!

  7. Leeumm says:

    Last Resort would be my #1. Just seems perfect. =P

    Not really anywhere to hide from the Swine Flu there, though. Lol. There’s a few kids with it like a mile away from me. =S

  8. DARIU5 says:

    :) LOL at Isolation’s disease.

    I love the idea of Last Resort’s underclothed females…

    • Mat says:

      Heehee…me too :)

  9. tb2571989 says:

    Why Last Resort but not Zanzibar? I though they were effectively the same…

    I’d like to live there, fo’ sho’. It would almost be profitable…sell the electrcity you make back to the power companies. Raves out on the beach…I’d have to oil the gate somewhat.

    I think I’m reading into this too much…still, good read, as always.

    • bs angel says:

      Excellent use of the generators! And I chose Last Resort instead of Zanzibar for the lack of sharks. :)

      • tb2571989 says:

        Ah, yes. Last Resort has a slighty bigger base too.

  10. Skibur says:

    Seriously, where the -blam!- is Ivory Tower!?

    • bs angel says:

      And spend all day, every day listening to the sound of that darn lift? Ga-dunk. Ga-dunk. Ga-dunk. Ga-dunk. No thank you!

  11. Mike says:

    halo 3 should have more maps that look like people HAVE lived in those areas like halo 2 did… the only place that feels like an urban area is ghost town but i dont know how much that counts because its all bombed out :-\

  12. Naepa34 says:

    Yea, I forgot about ghost town. Thats definitely in my top 10.

  13. Morpheus says:

    Y’know, about 5, 6 years ago, I made a thread over in H2F asking people which maps they would live in for each game, and in h2, almost EVERYONE said Lockout. Still thinking like a montage kid…

    I chose Waterworks.

    Love that place.

    I tried to do a get together to where people could make their OWN houses and stuff in Halo 3, but nobody cared by then.

  14. A Deaf Boy says:

    Totally Cold Storage. ;)

    • bs angel says:

      You do realize that tank form will probably bust out of its cryo-container and eat you, right?!

      • Qwepir says:

        It won’t eat you.

        It will curbstomp you in your sleep. Also, you forgot to mention that cold storage is, well, COLD.

  15. deora says:

    what about valhala? lakeside location, couple acres to yourself, good offroading fun in a warthog, peacful river, ample storage space in the bases, and its just so nice!

  16. NickNamer says:

    High Ground, a beach high tech home, a gate and a high tech security system, the rocket launcher platform.

  17. Fushiko says:

    Last resort and zanzibar are the same, although i have to say that Last resort is a tad more spacious and isnt delapidated, zanzibar is more like what happened after the convenant attacked. Last resort is in better shape >.>

    • Mike says:

      id have to go more with zanzibar… just because of the added security of a gate… anyone can just walk right into last resort

  18. Giant Ball of Oil says:

    My number one would be either Standoff (for the reasons you already provided) or High Ground. I mean, 3 stories, a balcony, short walk to the beach, and a big front door that is guarded by a turret (that will keep strangers from knocking on the door!). Sounds like a great pad to me.

  19. Blood Gultch. Because depending on how im feeling i can have eiher a red base… or a blue base. plus its got the caves for great paintball matches and rolling hills fordriving around on. and c’mon… who doesnt want 2 tank spawns?

  20. bobs99 says:

    For me it has to be Death island – it was a map from halo pc and i loved it

    • Qwepir says:

      I agree…

      Except I tink technically it was blown up when 04 blew up.

  21. MasterCheifn says:

    I agree with everyone on your list, but here’s a few others:

  22. Tentimook says:

    For your next series you should do ‘Most Veto’ed maps and gametypes’ or Best Team Doubles Maps

  23. Rez says:

    Okay, I fairly like these three:
    3: Headlong – Whilst under construction, it’s under
    construction for a lot of condos. Condos!
    2: High Ground – Radio recpetion. Big walls for privacy.
    Working gates. Working electricity. Working rocket launcher.
    Forgeability. Lovely!
    1: Rat’s Nest – Same as High Ground, without the rocket launcher
    and gates. Oh, and it has a private airspace and plumbing!!

  24. Drone 212 says:

    I’d like to live in district from halo 2 for the PC

  25. DethPwn says:

    Something tells me Bryan Simon’s ‘My New Home in Halo 3’ gave you the idea for this! Also, DID YOU ALL COMPLETELY FORGET ABOUT NEW MOMBASSA?!?! Home of Damien Lacedamien and DJ Octobit? All the glamor of the city life, right outside your house?! It’s an obvious choice in my opinion.

    • bs angel says:

      Actually the person I credited at the bottom of the article gave me the idea. I’m not familiar with the song you’re referring to, although now I may have to go check it out. :)

  26. BATTLEMECH3 says:

    i would call high ground my home a beach and my very own fortress of solitude FTW

  27. BryanSimon'sadouche says:

    BrySi sucks.

    • Mat says:

      Very mature name buddy. No flaming. >:(

  28. Gunlat3M says:

    Aren’t Zanzibar and Last Resort the same?

  29. SpetznazSnake says:

    Valhalla again fails to make the cut! Its glittering snowcapped cliffs, picturesque strem, and waterside accomadtions jsut dont do it for ya angel?
    Show the hall fo the gods some love!

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  31. Whaappened says:

    High Ground is the ultimate beach house to Last Resort’s crowded, tourist-y resort. Plus it’s got a giant missile turret to keep those pesky reds out. I’ll admit I don’t know many of the Halo 2 maps, but I really like that human aesthetic-no Covenant or Forerunner home for me. New Mombasa is where it’s at.

  32. Andrew says:

    For some reason, I would probably like Coagulation the best. I like deserts alot, I could use the tanks against door-to-door sales men, and I would probably spend hours flying up the grav lift like how Grif did in RvB…

  33. DTA MoonDawg says:

    Hmm, think you could spare an extra spot on Turf with me? I got a sore throat, and I need that med hut before I get a bad case of Swine Flu. :)

  34. Jc says:

    Timeberland would be awesome
    Death island is another nice one
    Tombstone has a pop machine
    Boarding action, seeing it is essentially a spaceship
    Beaver Creek was nice

    But mine would definantly be Danger Canyon

  35. Halodude117 says:

    I want to live in Ivory Tower i mean indoor park and huge area not to mention the “Halls O’ Fun” that my friends and I had so much fun sniping and blowing eachother up in. (Air lifts anyone?)

  36. HellCat says:

    Orbital Standoff.

    Nuff Said

  37. Shirdel7221 says:

    I have a idea for the next Multiplayer Maps thing.
    Top Ten Halo 3 Multiplayer Maps the KIDS would like to reside upon. (In other words Amusement Parks)

    And although I don’t have Halo 1 or 2, I request that I choose the maps, as I am the youngest active reader of your work, at the age of only 11. No joke.

  38. T Moneyzz says:

    Um, where in all of this is the best map in the trilogy? Hello? Infinity? That Halo PC map had it all. The biggest map in the trilogy has got tanks to defend against salesmen, Banshees so you can go to the store, and Warthogs, so you can get sweet air off the ramps in the middle. I haven’t even mentioned the bases (and minibases), which were THE biggest in all three games. Those things were freakin’ palaces! Aaaah… nostalgic moment. 8D

  39. Afrit007 says:

    What about Timberland? It’s only the best racing map ever!

  40. lolman says:

    i would love to live on valhalla tbh but some of the maps you say i completly disagree with like orbital and foundry

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