Guitar Hero Text Adventures

Interactive fiction, a type of computer adventure game with text-based input and output, always used to bug the shit out of me. Regardless of what I carefully entered at the awaiting prompt, it was never recognized. Then I would resort to ridiculing the artificial narrator before finally giving up. Despite my previous lack of success with this type of game, I thought I’d give this Guitar Hero-esque version a shot. The entire transcript is verbatim though a simple cut and paste with my text in red and the program text in italics. The ending makes reading the entire thing more than worth it. Bill Meltsner, I love you.

guitar hero buttons

Champion of Guitars
An Interactive Fiction by Bill Meltsner
Release 1 / Serial number 090126 / Inform 7 build 5J39 (I6/v6.31 lib 6/11N)

Cantina
The current management of this rather seedy venue doesn’t much care about appearances, apparently. Nonetheless, it’s become one of the hottest spots in the area, attracting surly alcoholics from all around. A variety of local acts, the vast majority unrelentingly terrible, play here every Tuesday night. Coincidentally, it’s Tuesday night.

A host of unsavory-looking people makes up your audience for the night. They’re all staring at you expectantly.

A fake plastic guitar lies on the ground in front of you.

Bolted to the wall is a television screen, dark and forboding.


>does the what-is-love dance while scoping out the room
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>waits for someone to buy me a drink
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>keeps on waiting
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>buys a drink, downs it, and looks at the guitar
You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

>i would prefer to talk to someone who is well-endowed
I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

>is that what kids are calling it these days? taking inventory? ok, i want to take inventory all night long.
You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

>obviously. talk to someone about why this program is so stupid.
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>goddamnit. look at guitar?
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>LOOK AT GUITAR
The guitar has a orange button, a blue button, a red button, a yellow button and a green button.

>no shit sherlock. pick up guitar.
I only understood you as far as wanting to no.

>that made no fucking sense.
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>you’re not a verb i recognize.
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>PICK UP GUITAR
You pick up the guitar.

The crowd around you quiets down, an expectant hush settling over the room.

>they’re hushed because they’re amazed you understood something i said.
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>what song is playing?
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>what is on the tv screen?
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>how the hell am i supposed to know what button to push if i don’t know what song is playing and i can’t see the tv?
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>PUSH ORANGE BUTTON
You push the orange button.
Nothing happens here.

The screen flickers to life, revealing a grid with five columns and colored circles falling down them. Music begins to blast from the speakers.

A yellow circle slides down the screen.

>push yellow button
You push the yellow button.

A green circle slides down the screen.

The audience is silent, watching your every move.

>push green button
You push the green button.

A yellow circle slides down the screen.

>am i playing on easy mode? give me a hammer-on or something.
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>can i play the halo theme song please?
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>i fucking hate this game.
I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

>push yellow button
You push the yellow button.

A red circle slides down the screen.

The audience appears pleased with your performance.

>they don’t seem pleased with yours.
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>stops to scratch nose and misses red button
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>put down guitar
By carrying the guitar, you bear the burden of the expectations of literally dozens of people whom you’ve never seen before in your life, and will probably never see again. You can’t bring yourself to let them down.

A red circle slides down the screen.

>i can bring myself to let them down just fine. PUT DOWN GUITAR.
I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

>is the fucker glued to me or something? what the hell?
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>pushes all the buttons at once
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>does not push the red button
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>push red button
You push the red button.

A red circle slides down the screen.

The audience appears content with your performance.

>can i play the drums instead?
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>how about sing? can i sing?
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>fine. push red button. again.
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>i hate you.
I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

>PUSH RED BUTTON
You push the red button.

A blue circle slides down the screen.

>PUSH BLUE BUTTON
You push the blue button.

A red circle slides down the screen.

The audience appears happy with your performance.

>am i playing free bird? why is this song not over yet?
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>push red button
You push the red button.

A red circle slides down the screen.

>i just fucking pushed that one.
I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

>push red button
You push the red button.

A green circle slides down the screen.

The audience appears pleased with your performance.

>push red button
You push the red button.
The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

A yellow circle slides down the screen.

>push red button
You push the red button.
The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

A orange circle slides down the screen.

The audience appears satisfied with your performance.

>they must like shitty performances then.
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>push orange button
You push the orange button.

A blue circle slides down the screen.

>gets a finger cramp from stretching to the orange button
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>i don’t care! my finger is cramping.
I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

>works through the pain and pushes the blue button.
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>PUSH BLUE BUTTON
You push the blue button.

A blue circle slides down the screen.

The audience appears happy with your performance.

>push blue button
You push the blue button.

A red circle slides down the screen.

>push red button
You push the red button.

A blue circle slides down the screen.

The audience appears content with your performance.

>push blue button
You push the blue button.

A yellow circle slides down the screen.

>does this game ever end? i have to pee.
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>PEE
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>POOP
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>what button am i supposed to push again?
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>i’m pretty sure i’ve died and gone to hell.
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>pushes orange button
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>push orange button
You push the orange button.
The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

A orange circle slides down the screen.

The audience appears entertained with your performance.

>push orange button
You push the orange button.

A red circle slides down the screen.

>push red button
You push the red button.

A green circle slides down the screen.

The audience is really getting into your performance.

>getting into my performance, eh? are there any hot guys in the audience?
You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

>the hot guy please
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>HOT GUY
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>goddamnit
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>will you just tell me i rock so i can be done with this please?
That’s not a verb I recognize.

>fuck you. i’ll tell myself. i rock! there, i’m done.
I only understood you as far as wanting to fuck.

>holy shit. BEST. GAME. EVER.

26 Responses to Guitar Hero Text Adventures

  1. Sarge Tomzilla says:

    You know what? I just have to try it now. And include some of those shenanigans, and record them :D

  2. There was this one program like this, but you could have a full on conversation with it. It did actually reply to what you said (to a degree). But i can’t remember what it’s called…..

  3. Sarge Tomzilla says:

    An EDIT: ROFLMAO, this was the funniest damn part ever

    >PUSH BLUE
    You push the blue button.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    The audience is really appreciating your performance.

    >fuck them, unless they wanna go back home with me
    I only understood you as far as wanting to fuck.

    >…you understood that? are you an AI? are you sentient?
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >goddamnit

  4. DethPwn says:

    Push Submit Comment button

  5. EXZA says:

    I failed.
    Whoops.

    Don’t press other buttons when trying to press the right ones.

    “GET OFF THE STAGE”
    >Get off stage
    That is not a verb I recognize.

    >quit

  6. Mizzy says:

    @CrazedOne: they have bots on AIM that do the same thing. Is that what you’re thinking of?

  7. soulofaqua says:

    XDDDD

  8. solacerain says:

    Your utter failure to mimic a series of colored circles enrages the crowd, who storm the stage. Chaos ensues as someone grabs the guitar out of your hands and beats you over the head with it, knocking you unconscious. Your prone body is trampled to death by the enraged audience.

    *** You have died ***

    That takes GH to a whole new level, doesn’t it?

  9. bs angel says:

    Wow, you died. In Guitar Hero. That takes talent!

  10. Tentimook says:

    I win!
    Your epic success at pressing colored buttons on a fake guitar throws the crowd into hysteric ecstasy; they proceed to storm the stage. Plastic axe held high in victory, you’re lifted from the ground onto the hands of your adoring fans and passed around the audience. The raucous cheering is deafening. So this is what it’s like to be a rock star.

    *** You rock ***

    Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, or QUIT?

  11. Coyote 2JZ says:

    >eat guitar
    (first taking the guitar)

    You pick up the guitar.

    The crowd around you quiets down, an expectant hush settling over the room.

    That’s plainly inedible.


    Haha what? It’s inedible? dammit

  12. Coyote 2JZ says:

    haha this is great.

    >wave guitar
    You look ridiculous waving the guitar.

    A yellow circle slides down the screen.

    The audience grumbles grumpily.

  13. I had to re-read the ending for a second. I was like “wait a second, did that just say what I thought it said?”

    Lol.

  14. Zoom says:

    My favorite part:

    “HOT GUY”

  15. Asd1070 says:

    >push audience
    That would be less than courteous.

    The screen flickers to life, revealing a grid with five columns and colored circles falling down them. Music begins to blast from the speakers.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    >hit audience
    The crowd’s a bit out of reach, and anyway, they look a lot stronger than you. Plus, they far outnumber you, and you’re wielding a toy guitar. Better to stick to rocking.

    A green circle slides down the screen.

  16. Ragingterror says:

    >smash guitar
    Who do you think you are, Pete Townshend?

    XD

  17. harabek says:

    Cantina 24

    Champion of Guitars
    An Interactive Fiction by Bill Meltsner
    Release 1 / Serial number 090126 / Inform 7 build 5J39 (I6/v6.31 lib 6/11N)

    Cantina
    The current management of this rather seedy venue doesn’t much care about appearances, apparently. Nonetheless, it’s become one of the hottest spots in the area, attracting surly alcoholics from all around. A variety of local acts, the vast majority unrelentingly terrible, play here every Tuesday night. Coincidentally, it’s Tuesday night.

    A host of unsavory-looking people makes up your audience for the night. They’re all staring at you expectantly.

    A fake plastic guitar lies on the ground in front of you.

    Bolted to the wall is a television screen, dark and forboding.

    >pick up guitar
    You pick up the guitar.

    The crowd around you quiets down, an expectant hush settling over the room.

    >smash guitar
    Who do you think you are, Pete Townshend?

    The screen flickers to life, revealing a grid with five columns and colored circles falling down them. Music begins to blast from the speakers.

    A yellow circle slides down the screen.

    >fuck you i am pete townshend
    I only understood you as far as wanting to fuck.

    >I am the iron man
    I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

    >
    I beg your pardon?

    >exactly
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >yellow
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >push your mom
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >why not
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >push your dad
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >Push the crowd
    That would be less than courteous.

    A yellow circle slides down the screen.

    >push yellow circle
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >wtf
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >push yellow
    You push the yellow button.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    The audience is silent, watching your every move.

    >push blue
    You push the blue button.

    A green circle slides down the screen.

    >push green
    You push the green button.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    The audience is silent, watching your every move.

    >push blue
    You push the blue button.

    A yellow circle slides down the screen.

    >push yellow
    You push the yellow button.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    The audience appears pleased with your performance.

    >push red
    You push the red button.

    A orange circle slides down the screen.

    >push pussy
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >fuck
    This may be a wretched hive of scum and villainy, but you’re officially playing an all-ages show, so tone the obscenity down a bit.

    A green circle slides down the screen.

    The audience appears content with your performance.

    >ok
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >shit
    This may be a wretched hive of scum and villainy, but you’re officially playing an all-ages show, so tone the obscenity down a bit.

    A green circle slides down the screen.

    >push green
    You push the green button.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    The audience appears satisfied with your performance.

    >push yellow
    You push the yellow button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    >push black
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >push red
    You push the red button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    The audience is silent, watching your every move.

    >push red
    You push the red button.

    A green circle slides down the screen.

    >push green
    You push the green button.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    The audience is silent, watching your every move.

    >i hate this game
    I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

    >inventory
    You are carrying:
    a guitar

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    >gun
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >push gun
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >smash guitar
    Who do you think you are, Pete Townshend?

    A orange circle slides down the screen.

    The audience is silent, watching your every move.

    >gay
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >this game is stupid
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >your not fkdasj
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >push blue
    You push the blue button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A orange circle slides down the screen.

    >push blue
    You push the blue button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    The audience growls annoyedly.

    >push blue
    You push the blue button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A yellow circle slides down the screen.

    >push ble
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >push blue
    You push the blue button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A yellow circle slides down the screen.

    Someone in the audience shouts, “Play a real instrument, nerd!”.

    >hey FUCK YOU
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >push blue
    You push the blue button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A yellow circle slides down the screen.

    >push blue
    You push the blue button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    Your utter failure to mimic a series of colored circles enrages the crowd, who storm the stage. Chaos ensues as someone grabs the guitar out of your hands and beats you over the head with it, knocking you unconscious. Your prone body is trampled to death by the enraged audience.

    *** You have died ***

    Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, or QUIT?
    > fuck

  18. Maniacxxl says:

    I have this app on my iphone called amy a.i. It does basically the same thing minus the wanting to fuck…

  19. Ragingterror says:

    Decided to have a little more fun with this…

    >Eat me
    (first taking yourself)
    You are always self-possessed.

    >Eat me out
    I only understood you as far as wanting to eat yourself.

    Wait… what?

    • bs angel says:

      LOL, … way to eat yourself Ragingterror, ya weirdo! ;)

  20. TK129 says:

    >pick up gutair
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >yeah i can
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >PICK UP GUTAIR
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >pick up fake plastic gutair?
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >you said it’s right in frony of me!
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >look at gutair
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >what, have i got neck cramp?
    You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

    >yeah, whoever built this game
    You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

    >i just said
    I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

    >take inventory, i thought you’re ment to accept PROPPER ENGLISh
    You are carrying nothing.

    I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

    >OH fuck off
    That’s not a verb I recognize

    • bs angel says:

      LOL! It’s a fun little game, isn’t it?!

  21. HUSKYtheDEMON says:

    Champion of Guitars
    An Interactive Fiction by Bill Meltsner
    Release 1 / Serial number 090121 / Inform 7 build 5J39 (I6/v6.31 lib 6/11N)

    Cantina
    The current management of this rather seedy venue doesn’t much care about appearances, apparently. Nonetheless, it’s become one of the hottest spots in the area, attracting surly alcoholics from all around. A variety of local acts, the vast majority unrelentingly terrible, play here every Tuesday night. Coincidentally, it’s Tuesday night.

    A host of unsavory-looking people makes up your audience for the night. They’re all staring at you expectantly.

    A fake plastic guitar lies on the ground in front of you.

    Bolted to the wall is a television screen, dark and forboding.

    >pick up guitar
    You pick up the guitar.

    The crowd around you quiets down, an expectant hush settling over the room.

    >look at guitar
    The guitar has an orange button, a blue button, a red button, a yellow button and a green button.

    The screen flickers to life, revealing a grid with five columns and colored circles falling down them. Music begins to blast from the speakers.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    >push red
    You push the red button.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    >push red
    You push the red button.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    The audience is silent, watching your every move.

    >push blue
    You push the blue button.

    A orange circle slides down the screen.

    >kick ass
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >smach bar
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >smash bar
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >im in it.
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >sigh
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >smash orange
    Violence isn’t the answer to this one.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    The audience is silent, watching your every move.

    >yes it is
    I only understood you as far as wanting to yes.

    >…
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >fuck you
    I only understood you as far as wanting to fuck.

    >:)
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >:(
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >>:(
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >die
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >kill audience
    The crowd’s a bit out of reach, and anyway, they look a lot stronger than you. Plus, they far outnumber you, and you’re wielding a toy guitar. Better to stick to rocking.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    >push blue
    You push the blue button.

    A yellow circle slides down the screen.

    The audience is silent, watching your every move.

    >push yellow
    You push the yellow button.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    >push red
    You push the red button.

    A orange circle slides down the screen.

    The audience appears content with your performance.

    >push orNGE
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >.push orange
    You push the orange button.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    >push blue
    You push the blue button.

    A green circle slides down the screen.

    The audience appears pleased with your performance.

    >push green
    You push the green button.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    >push red
    You push the red button.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    The audience is really applauding your performance.

    >really?
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >figures. push red.
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >PUSH RED!
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >push red.
    You push the red button.

    A orange circle slides down the screen.

    >push orange
    You push the orange button.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    Your epic success at pressing colored buttons on a fake guitar throws the crowd into hysteric ecstasy; they proceed to storm the stage. Plastic axe held high in victory, you’re lifted from the ground onto the hands of your adoring fans and passed around the audience. The raucous cheering is deafening. So this is what it’s like to be a rock star.

    *** You rock ***

    Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, or QUIT?

    • HUSKYtheDEMON says:

      and my dead version.

      Champion of Guitars
      An Interactive Fiction by Bill Meltsner
      Release 1 / Serial number 090121 / Inform 7 build 5J39 (I6/v6.31 lib 6/11N)

      Cantina
      The current management of this rather seedy venue doesn’t much care about appearances, apparently. Nonetheless, it’s become one of the hottest spots in the area, attracting surly alcoholics from all around. A variety of local acts, the vast majority unrelentingly terrible, play here every Tuesday night. Coincidentally, it’s Tuesday night.

      A host of unsavory-looking people makes up your audience for the night. They’re all staring at you expectantly.

      A fake plastic guitar lies on the ground in front of you.

      Bolted to the wall is a television screen, dark and forboding.

      >pick up guitar
      You pick up the guitar.

      The crowd around you quiets down, an expectant hush settling over the room.

      >hits self with guitar
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >wai?
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >you are an idiot.
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >looks at screen.
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >thats cuz your an idiot.
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >jumps off cliff
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >eats guitar
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >eat
      (the guitar)
      That’s plainly inedible.

      The screen flickers to life, revealing a grid with five columns and colored circles falling down them. Music begins to blast from the speakers.

      A red circle slides down the screen.

      >smashes guitar
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >that’s cuz ur ghey.
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >fucks ur girlfriend.
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >dat’s cuz u dun haz one.
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >smashes columns.
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >…
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >
      I beg your pardon?

      >pushes bartender
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >pushes audience
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >mugs audience
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >pushes blue
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >pushes red
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >waits.
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >wait.
      Time passes.

      A red circle slides down the screen.

      >push blue
      You push the blue button.
      The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

      A blue circle slides down the screen.

      The audience is silent, watching your every move.

      >somebodey say something!
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >makes speech: everybody, bars suck, you arent going to meet anybody, go home, play halo all night.
      You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

      >everyone.
      That’s not a verb I recognize.

      >wait.
      Time passes.

      A blue circle slides down the screen.

      >push blue.
      You push the blue button.

      A red circle slides down the screen.

      The audience is silent, watching your every move.

      >push red.
      You push the red button.

      A green circle slides down the screen.

      >push green.
      You push the green button.

      A yellow circle slides down the screen.

      The audience is silent, watching your every move.

      >push woman.
      You can’t see any such thing.

      >ya i can. this is a bar, isnt it? that means THERE ARE WOMEN. A GOOD LOOKING ONE, PLEASE.
      You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

      >wait.
      Time passes.

      A blue circle slides down the screen.

      >push red.
      You push the red button.
      The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

      A yellow circle slides down the screen.

      The audience grumbles discontentedly.

      >push red.
      You push the red button.
      The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

      A green circle slides down the screen.

      >push red.
      You push the red button.
      The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

      A blue circle slides down the screen.

      Someone in the audience yells, “Play a real instrument, nerd!”.

      >push red.
      You push the red button.
      The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

      A blue circle slides down the screen.

      >push red.
      You push the red button.
      The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

      A yellow circle slides down the screen.

      Your utter failure to mimic a series of colored circles enrages the crowd, who storm the stage. Chaos ensues as someone grabs the guitar out of your hands and beats you over the head with it, knocking you unconscious. Your prone body is trampled to death by the enraged audience.

      *** You have died ***

      Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, or QUIT?
      > yayz
      Please give one of the answers above.
      > no.
      Please give one of the answers above.
      > sry.
      Please give one of the answers above.
      > not coming, wat.
      Please give one of the answers above.
      > say something else.
      Please give one of the answers above.
      > or i’ll get mai splazer.
      Please give one of the answers above.
      > u asked for it.
      Please give one of the answers above.
      > beeeeeeeeeew…
      Please give one of the answers above.
      > broooooooooooo…
      Please give one of the answers above.
      > booom!
      Please give one of the answers above.
      > HOW ARE U STILL HERE?
      Please give one of the answers above.
      > THIS SUCKS. I’M LEAVING.
      Please give one of the answers above.

  22. raven0895 says:

    Well i beat it and this is what came up

    Your epic success at pressing colored buttons on a fake guitar throws the crowd into hysteric ecstasy; they proceed to storm the stage. Plastic axe held high in victory, you’re lifted from the ground onto the hands of your adoring fans and passed around the audience. The raucous cheering is deafening. So this is what it’s like to be a rock star.

    *** You rock ***

    Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, or QUIT?
    > GTFO
    Please give one of the answers above.
    >
    Please give one of the answers above.
    > GTMFO
    Please give one of the answers above.
    > GTFFO
    Please give one of the answers above.
    > GTFOOO
    Please give one of the answers above.
    > PLZ GTFO
    Please give one of the answers above.
    > KINDLY GTFO

  23. iPurism says:

    Bolted to the wall is a television screen, dark and forboding.

    >pick up guitar
    You pick up the guitar.

    The crowd around you quiets down, an expectant hush settling over the room.

    >push you
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >push me?
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >push the fucking blue button.
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >WTF? PUSH BLUE BUTTON
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >Push your mom off the stage
    You push my mother off the stage.
    She falls on the power switch.

    The screen flickers to life, revealing a grid with five columns and colored circles falling down them. Music begins to blast from the speakers.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    >There we go, now its time to rumble
    You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

    >I’m talking to you, dumbshit.
    You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

    >-_-
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >Of course it’s not.
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >Dammit.
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >Fuck you
    I only understood you as far as wanting to fuck.

    >:3 Dirty bot, eh?
    You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

    >Let’s get it on.
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >Oh, fine.
    You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can’t see whom.

    >Push blue
    You push the blue button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    >push red
    You push the red button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    The audience grumbles grumpily.

    >push black
    You can’t see any such thing.

    >push yellow
    You push the yellow button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A blue circle slides down the screen.

    >push red
    You push the red button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A yellow circle slides down the screen.

    Someone in the audience yells, “Are you blind? Naw, I guess you’re just stupid!”.

    >MY EYES
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >
    I beg your pardon?

    >I CAn’t see
    I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

    >INvENTORY? MY EYES ARE BLEEEDDING
    I only understood you as far as wanting to take inventory.

    >Fuck
    This may be a wretched hive of scum and villainy, but you’re officially playing an all-ages show, so tone the obscenity down a bit.

    A green circle slides down the screen.

    >
    I beg your pardon?

    >
    I beg your pardon?

    >AHHH
    That’s not a verb I recognize.

    >PUSH BLUE
    You push the blue button.
    The screen emits an unpleasant noise.

    A red circle slides down the screen.

    Your utter failure to mimic a series of colored circles enrages the crowd, who storm the stage. Chaos ensues as someone grabs the guitar out of your hands and beats you over the head with it, knocking you unconscious. Your prone body is trampled to death by the enraged audience.

    *** You have died ***

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