Why I Hate Your Halo Video
January 13, 2009 110 Comments
I watch a lot of Halo-themed videos each and every day. Some are overly edited montages. Some are substandard machinima. Some are lackluster game play clips. Some are overly dramatic shorts. But the majority of them have one thing in common: they are a complete and utter waste of my time. Please note I am not saying all Halo videos are garbage, just maybe 99.9% of them. Occasionally I’ll be watching a video and I’ll see something that grates on my nerves so bad that I immediately begin pulling my hair out while incoherently cursing the maker’s name at the top of my lungs. If you have ever done any of the following things in your videos, rest assured I now have less hair because of you. I probably hate you too. And by probably I mean definitely.
Halo Video Pet Peeve #1: Showing the same clip multiple times
While you are egotistical enough to want to watch your super awesome no scope clip over and over and over, one viewing of your less than impressive skills is enough for me. I will say that sometimes there are instances where replaying the same clip is warranted. Examples of that would be when showing it from another angle allows you to see something that wasn’t noticeable from the original viewpoint or when a clip needs to be slowed down to fully appreciate it (think the five ricochet video). If it’s a regular clip though, and you replay it ten times at varying angles and speeds, you are a fucking douchebag.
What really makes my blood boil: When this pet peeve is accompanied with the text, “Let’s watch it again, this time from another angle.” How about you state the obvious so you can waste even more of my time?
Halo Video Pet Peeve #2: Intolerable or overused music
Everybody has their own unique taste in music, and yours happens to be shitty. When you make a video to the tune of intolerable screaming death metal or ridiculously offensive rap music, rest assured 99% of your viewers turn off your crappy video the second the audio starts. While music is a great way to set your video apart from others, if you are making something you want the general masses to actually watch, a tolerable song selection is the only way to go. Oh, and breaking news: Blow Me Away by Breaking Benjamin has never been used before in a Halo video! Please choose that song!
What really makes my blood boil: When someone uses a song that says the n- word repeatedly. While you are clearly a spoiled 14 year old white gangster, I hear this enough from all the racist assholes on Live. I don’t need it in your video too.
Halo Video Pet Peeve #3: Spelling errors
I don’t make videos so I cannot confirm nor deny this, but I am beginning to think video editing software does not include spell check. If I have to read, “I made this when I was board” or “I don’t no how I did this!” or “Watch my awesome turrent kill!” one more time, I will hunt down the offenders on Halo, kill them repeatedly, and teabag their lifeless bodies until I feel better. Which will be never. Consider it a purgatory of sorts.
What really makes my blood boil: When elementary spelling errors are made in conjunction with 1337 speak. Seriously, GTFO.
Halo Video Pet Peeve #4: Showing stuff we’ve seen numerous times before
Were you playing a game on The Pit and you got killed by a cone? That is so unbelievably crazy! Have you played a game on Valhalla where you killed the enemy banshee but the wreckage happened to fly right into you and it counted as a suicide? OMGWTFBBQ! Guess what? It’s happened to all of us, and it’s old. Go clip something that everybody hasn’t seen 500 million times already please.
What really makes my blood boil: When people still, to this day, get killed by a cone and then ask for Recon. What is wrong with you people?
Halo Video Pet Peeve #5: Including the word “epic” anywhere in the video
If there is one word that is overused in the Halo community, it is “epic”. “I got an overkill spawncamping in Grifball and it was EPIC!” “I just got a killing spree in the tank, and it was EPIC!” “Check out this no scope, it’s so EPIC!” Guess what? If you say it’s epic, chances are it’s the exact opposite. From this point forward, I’m not even watching any videos that have that word in the title. So take that all you epic douchebags.
What really makes my blood boil: When someone calls a double kill with rockets “epic”. Really? Really?
Halo Video Pet Peeve #6: Calling something skill when it’s clearly luck
If I watch one more video where someone claims they did something on purpose when it was clearly dumb luck, I think I may punch my own face. I have watched numerous videos where someone was spinning around, they randomly fired their sniper, the bullet ricocheted a few times and they miraculously got a headshot on someone not even in their line of sight halfway across the map. And guess what? Of course it was purely skill because they are so completely bad ass that they can accurately predict trajectories on people they don’t even know are there. How about pulling your head out of your ass every once in a while? It’s easier to see things in a more realistic light that way.
What really makes my blood boil: When someone posts a video where they are playing a custom game, they look up in the sky and take about 20 seconds to get things situated just right, then they throw a plasma grenade which travels across the map and lands on their guest that is just standing there not moving. Yup, purely skill Captain Obvious.
Runner-ups
- Calling a video a “short” when it runs over five minutes: If you’re going to make a “short”, make it fucking SHORT.
- Commentating: I happen to like the commentating in the ESPN/MLG Top 10 Series. Most people do not. Any other series should not even try it. It sounds horrible, it’s awkward, and it makes me want to bash your face in.
- Long videos: Sometimes I see videos that are 20+ minutes long. If you think anybody is going to watch 20 minutes of your shitty gameplay, you are not only an egotistical bastard but you are also fucking stupid.
- Making Top 10 videos from two of your Top 10 videos: Isn’t that just half the clips from your last two videos? We just watched those. And we didn’t even like them the first time.
- PS- I hate you. Just in case you didn’t realize that yet.
Hawty McBloggy Invites You to Play 
Ouch.
yeah, that stings.
That…was…EPIC! lol.
But seriously very funny, true.
This is why I’ve never made a Halo video. I knew at some point you’d find it and tear it apart. It’s a shame too, cause one time I got this totally epic rocket double kill on The Pit, and it sent a cone flying back at me for a suicide! I don’t now how I did itz but it was prolly my crazy skillz.
oh wow…..just wow.
I think SOMEBODY got up on the wrong side of the bed today.
Find your happy place Angel. Find your happy place.
It’s on top of your dead Spartan Viktim. ;)
Now the trick is to get those dumass video makers to actually:
a) read this
b) stop doing this shit
heh – tell it like it is!
You forgot “talking over the video”, because I’m a bit sick of all the f-bombs and stupid screaming I hear on most of those videos.
And kudos for being a fellow grammar nazi.
You need a nice, slow, deep massage.
Note to self: avoid bs angel when on the internet. It could be hazardous to my health. But I do agree with you on all of those.
was that a proposition Bryan? :O
i agree with almost all of these, but would totally still use them all (no, not a 14 year old gangster kthnxbai)
Whenever I see a video like that on YouTube, I’ll just post this link as a comment.
RE Pet Peeve #5: I officially declare the new word for anything that is actually “epic,” as opposed to “bastardized epic as used by the halo population as a whole,” to be CIPE! Damn, check out my cipe skills here.
You hate mae? :'(
Umm..angel…do…do you need a hug?
i lawled for a good five minutes… you bring up every valid point that could be brought up with halo videos. Good Job.
wow… all of those sound EPIC true… and like the Dub kill with rockets… is so very NOT epic…….. every person out there who even makes Montage or something stupid and random video on youtube should be shot… for they are FAIL
We have decided to rename our montage.
3P1CT4G3 PWNS BS 4NG3L!
Oh I see how it is………
No more Forum night montages for you :)
Lol, very funny post, I couldn’t agree more!
Um…anyone else think it’s kinda hot when angel gets really pissed? Or is it just me? Anyone? Ok…fine. >.>
yeah, it’s kinda hot.
THANK YOU SWEET BAJEEZUS!!! I agree with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE THINGS!!! People think because they got a headsot on someone in midair, they feel that they now have major, epic skills. Apparently, they also feel that this gives them the authority to slap on some crap captioning and a a horribly overplayed Megadeth song. After that, they post it on Youtube, hit F5 like they’ll be the next DigitalPh33r, then jack off into their own faces. Also, I have a friend who used to use “Epic” like it Randy Jackson uses “dawg”, so whenever he said it I’d say “No, it’s Bungie!”
I had no idea that a couple of days of little or no gameplay would result in such virtual violence. ;)
ill keep dis in mind
dang… BS=PMS lol jk… dont eat me…
Maybe you shouldn’t watch Halo videos anymore if they grate on your nerves this much. :)
Speaking of people using the word “epic” too much… how about excessive use of “pwned?” That gets old fast, too ;)
Best rant I’ve read all week.
The only guy who can put rocket kills in a montage is Penguin… because he fucking does it with STYLE!
From across that map on Avalanche to take out a moving Hornet? Can I get an AMEN? JESUS SAVE US! :D
No, seriously. This was good stuff. For me, a good fileshare/montage clip is something CREATIVE that you don’t see every day (jumping a Ghost then flag killing the driver, bailing out of a Banshee to jack a Scorpian are two of mine).
Cone kills would be cool, but if it was like a triple-kill cone kill.
Hi-larious.
It’s a good thing I’ve never made a halo video of any kind.
ill try and break all of these at the end of my video ^_^
Hah… so if I were to make a video with the word epic misspelled (EPIK LAWLZ), and have the word shown from 17 different angles, to the tunes of breaking benjamin, and then throw a grenade across the map which blows up a cone right into someone’s face as they spawn and call it skill because I spun around and did a 360 under no fire and MEANT to kill the player coming out of the ether… you might nuke the world?
I’m gonna go hide.
heh heh heh heh. I just got a great idea.
Thanks. ;)
PS: I’ll be sure to mention you in the credits once I get to that episode.
Hey angel, you know how I enjoy being “that guy” who has to rain on parades and be a thorn in someone’s side, so I have to show you something EPIC that disagrees with your thoughts on #5 about calling a rocket double kill epic. And that’s because this video truly is EPIC. No sarcasm.
Enjoy. :)
I think it might be Angel’s time of the month.
Prickly Angel… remind me never to make a gameplay video and show it to Angel ;)
The first one, oh god I can not stand video clips with lots of replays. I want to murder the people who replay the clips so freaking damn much. GAH
Great article, loved it :D
Lol Avateur, that video is O.G. legendary, man.
And thanks for the props, SoMP. Lol. I’m still trying to get someone to video-cap those two vids for me. Actually…I wouldn’t mind having my whole F.S. vidcapped and torrented to me so I could start laying footage for the Machinima.
hahaha – this is why we LOVE BS!!
<3
Because she’s a grown up who has opinions & can actually put them into words and proper sentences :)
Think warm fuzzy thoughts now everyone & send them her way….
these are the reasons i allow other people like you to find me good halo content. as i can not handle the emotions i feel while watching crappy halo vids
#5 – THANK YOU!!!!!!
You missed one:
Halo Video Pete’s Peeve #1: Not only is your video content lackluster and average, but you preceed it with a 30-90 second long introduction that is a complete waste of time and demonstrates that not only do you not have enough common sense to type more than 5 words onto a Title frame, but also that you don’t know how to adjust the default length of time Windows Movie Maker displays these Title frames.
Then you try to “spice it up” with some awful, MSPaint logo you created for your made-up, non-existant “production studio” and make us stare at it for another 10 seconds. Wow, that is such an abstract and imaginative logo. You must be so awesome.
And, having watched your deflected-rocket betrayal on Isolation or ‘preview of the pilot episode of XYZ machinima, coming soon’, you then conclude the video with another 45 seconds of credits, listing yourself 15 times for imaginary roles that wouldn’t even exist if your film clip had actually been a full-length feature film.
You’ve perfected the ratio of 25 seconds of useless titles/credits per every 3 seconds of actual content. Congratulations!
(I tried to make it sound extra angry, so it’d fit with the theme)
i truly feel for you if you have to endure sh*t like this all day trying to find a decent halo video. that is why i don’t watch any unless it’s posted here. the other day, my 11 yr old was watching me play and after every ‘epic’ kill, he thought I should save it and post it on my fileshare…….kids.
I love you, angel.
are you related to maddox?
http://maddox.xmission.com/
Epic epic epic epic, epic.
as much as Angle scared me during this… i MUST agree! use some different music please!
Everybody has their own unique taste in music, and yours happens to be shitty.
That is the single greatest thing you’ve said in your life. Yes, it beats out ‘I do.’
You mentioned purgatory, art thou a Catholic?
Great rant! :) Very funny…and I agree with all of it.
And..if it is your time of the month…go play some Halo! :) It’s so much more satisfying to rage on the boys like that! I always enjoy it… ;)
i’m gonna make a video with everything you mentioned and force-feed it into your core angel. and you will like it! >:-|
I prefer my rocket double kill. :)
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=BV0kcHpdl34
I’d love to call it epic, but it’s mostly just luck.
But the ESPN/MLG anouncer is as annoying as shit. You mention how you don’t like being told the obvious? he just says the obvious all the time, and sounds annoying to. “OMG, because your like, blind, I’m gonna tell you this guy r shooting his carbine and he r gots 3 headshots with teh snipoar!!!”
I do agree though, commentaries are as annoying as hell, especially on the top ten, I’d rather put up with the crappy death metal/scream till I die music that they put on there, or maybe even Blow me away, because everybody needs to put their montage to that!
or even better! a linkin park song! nobody does that!
(All sarcasm except on the commentary business, that was r serious business.)
I’m seriously considering making a montage including all these pet peeves just to tick Hawty off XD
For some reason that doesn’t surprise me one bit. ::shakes fist at Predator::
And Warp2, your video was accurately labeled so on behalf of the entire Halo community, THANK YOU!
Someone didn’t drink all of her coffee before going to Youtube….
i got kil3d by 4 c0en on teh Pit @ it w4s s00000 EPIC!
;)
Of course makers of these videos will say, “Mines not like that!” when everything on this list is most likely in their videos. And then they’ll make more shitty vids. Oh and here’s the one that annoys me most:
Putting a camera in front of the tv instead of using a damn capture card. Especially phone cameras. Some people try to justify it by saying, “It’s not the picture quality that matters! It’s the story!” I’ve even been told this by decent machinima makers. If I can’t see the video, I can’t understand the story!
In addition to the music issue:
I actually like death metal, but putting it in a game video DOESN’T WORK. I can’t stand anything that doesn’t go with the game. I’m sure a lot of you know that certain songs just work well with certain games. If a song doesn’t fit, DON’T PUT IT IN!
when i watch my halo3 shit in theater mode (or whatever it’s called) , i go with faith no more “edge of the world”
Some music just don’t go well with Halo vids, like the tinkling of Xylophones in seventies pron. Who thought of that combination?
And I agree with SeVen; while Death Metal might sound like the obvious choice for bringing virtual Death and Sexy Spartan Metal together, it sucks as BGM, too much going on.
Something fresh to the naive is always a cliche to those in the know, BS Angel…
Er, my name hasn’t come up on any of those EPIC videos, has it?
Well….. none of my machinimas break any of those rules so… :)
However, the first machinima I EVER created played Blow Me Away at the very beginning.
… DON’T HURT ME!!!
Wow, that was an epic write-up angel….bravo my dear.
Sadly my last video committed Sin #1….but I have rectified that problem now and will make sure to not commit any more video sins.
=)
I object to your complaints on the overuse of epic. Instead, specify that only EPIC films use the term epic. See top ten series 20 #3 for an example of an EPIC play. And question, did you recently quit a highly addictive drug and are suffering from withdrawal? Anything else would not be an excuse for this kind of rant
My articles are always written in a way that is meant to be entertaining. If people get more than that from them, that’s awesome! If not, no biggie. There’s no reason to get your feelings hurt from it though. It’s all in good fun.
That wouldn’t happen to your most epic play you are referring to, now would it? ;)
While I wasn’t going to do it in the first place, I will be sure to NEVER do any of these things when making a video. I swear to NEVER make a montage (because, you know, montages are totally worth your time when you can hop on live for five minutes and see the same thing), and all my machinima will as top-notch as humanly possible.
Oh yeah, I typically avoid making more than one comment on any given story at a time, but something just occurred to me. All of Hawty McBloggy’s points can be summed up in one simple rule: Don’t do ANYTHING that MTV does.
That includes: no replaying of clips over and over, no slowing down a clip and fading out from color to monochrome, and stop playing the same music… and one could argue that the artists merely lucky (except in a few, inspired cases) rather than skilled. Besides, most rap videos show us things we’ve seen before, am I right?
I’m stealing Angel’s post, and calling it the caffeine ninja MTV theorem!
I love you. Have my babies.
….Or I’ll have yours. I’m cool either way.
Schedonnardus, that’s what I was thinking
What a sad, sad world we live in.
Ya know, I’m actually tempted to combine all those pet peeves into one video as a satire thing… Just kidding, Angel, don’t kill me!
Although, I have to admit, I couldn’t bring myself to do the bad soundtrack thing…*shudders*
Well it looks like i don’t fall under these categories. phew!
oh By the way, sony vegas 8 pro does not have a spell check.
I accidentally killed someone with a cone. I can has recon for my leet skillz?
bs angel,
While i have multiple clips that i am proud of, including 2 exterminations within 30 seconds of each other, i would not consider them truly EPIC. I would say that some plays truly deserve the type of adjective that will immediately convey the awe that the play will deserve. I agree that it may be an overused word, however the term triggers a feeling that is just a taster figuratively, for the clip following it. Usually, i don’t even consider the #1 on top ten series as a genuinely EPIC play.
and no it wasn’t in grifball
I agree, Zach, that there are clips, plays, and videos that are deserving of the word “epic”. However those are usually the last ones you see tagged as such by the author. In my experience, the word “epic” is frequently thrown around and has been reduced to something conveying “awesome” and the majority of the times not even that. I think it’s a certain demographic that feels drawn to that word and has overused it to the point that it really doesn’t have that meaning anymore unfortunately. But getting back to what you said, I agree with you. Some plays are truly epic. Just typically not the ones that get labeled as such.
I’m tempted to make a video and do all of these things…
hey you want BB BMA me and my friend are working on a HMV using that song
Did you not see the most epic of tage’s evar?!?! It has l33t kills repetitive angles and r3conzzz!!!?!?!?!
ZOMG!!!!
>_<
Did Halcylon try to show you another one of his stick videos?
Hey Yoozel, whats that over there?
Finger goes where?
Cream rubbing where?
HEY JOHN: INSULT
@ Yoozel: RETORT
@ JOHN: COUNTER-RETORT!
@Yoozel: QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
@JOHN: SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE BLAM UP
I’ve noticed something, yet I don’t want to look like a kissass bringing it up, either…
Quite a few of you mentioned making vids containing all the things Angel mentioned above. That sucks in all ways you can even use the word… Why would you want to do that, if you know she’ll get pissed at it, and get in your ass? I don’t know, but where I grew up that was called “insanity.”
Wow. Does this mean that you do not like any of my vids? :(
Of course anybody knows by watching any of my vids that if you see anything that may have looked like “skill” then it was more than likely pure dumb luck. Also I prefer the weird cool looking and dumb stuff. Oh and vid editing software does not have spellcheck. I have made a few spelling mistakes because of it. Too bad I am too lazy to go back and edit them out.
Goes off to make another vid.
*Fire in the disco*
“…I will hunt down the offenders on Halo, kill them repeatedly, and teabag their lifeless bodies until I feel better. Which will be never. Consider it a purgatory of sorts.”
Am I the only one who doesn’t see this as a punishment?
I agree mostly, with your pet peeves and I’ve even adopted a few as my own. However, in which was commented on before, some videos are infact as they seem – “Epic”. Such as .. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GIj35d2cUY&e – this video is truly ‘epic’. Secondly, I know its irritating, but while some of us can spell perfectly – there are a select few that cannot spell at all and it’s not their fault. It’s the level of education they have received, or the quality. Third and foremost, some videos may have music with a lot of foul language – but we all cuss. Habitually. I guess it depends on the person; I usually mute the speakers of the music is dumb; due to the fact of me not being there to listen to the music, only to watch their montage.
Keep up the good posting, I visit this place often. Such good reading.
Well said indeed. I’ve only made 1 montage so far, working on another, but these are some good (and angry) suggestions (commands)!
Personally, I try to use songs that kind of sync up with whats going on, for example having kills in a multi-kill or a sequence of no-scopes go along with power chords or something. I find it cool, but that could just be me.
Butt, uhm, yis I iz g0eing 2 maek a 3PIC vid dat’ll sho all mai skillz an i gona put “Soulja Boi” fer da muzik cuz every1 else who use dat song is n00b, not I tho, i iz THUG LIFE. It gunna OwNz00Rz uR b0xxz000rzzzz ZOMG! Chek out mai Studio itz called “XxMLG KSI OMG iTz HEADSHOTZ iZ PRO PWN N00BZ SiCK BRxX Productions”
wow i 100% agree with all of these. lots of retards break lots of these rules…
oh and something that rly bothers me but its not on the list: people who take qutoes from the video and post it in comments ex: “MY ROFL KNIFE GOZ SLICE SLICE SLICE!!” ROFL that was freaking hilarious. Yeah, i just watched the video too… i dont need your retarded comments about quotes from the vid i just watched stfu
Mmh… in every Arby ‘n’ the Chief episode there’s always twenty kids all quoting the same thing…
Bravo! Bravo!
I think I’ll start sticking a link to this in the Youtube comments of all those bad videos.
“Short” -Under 5 minutes, and 20,000+ Views? I might say awesome but not Epic… Although it is pretty cool for simply showing off a map…
lol, Amen! I wrote the “Lamer’s Guide to Creating a Montage” poking fun at shitty montages:)
http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=29163623
what about video clip that were apparently made during an 8.5 earthquake.
And then watching that same clip in reverse?
And then again, with the F—-n shaky cam?
And most montages completely ignore the people who were actually laying down shots on people. Its just an asshole, going around cleaning up kills, and then showing off his awesome skilllllz. Most of the time.
hahahahahaha. damn thats hilarious :D
but @ sonofmacphisto, talking about a long shot by penguin, the exact same thing happened to me and a friend. he shot all the way across avalanch at a hornet moving from his left to his right to pick up a triple and kill the bomb carrier. man, it was so EPIC :P
yes most of these things do get annoying, but one thing everyone has to keep in mind is that maker of these “crap” videos are not mindful of such “pet peeves”
like many they just wanna impress people and inherently thats what everyone wants to do
not everyone is “destined” to become a film maker or machinima maker
the get this feeling when they see the views on their videos going up and its the same as the one when you tell your friends about the awesome funny kill you got the other night
instead of hurling ridicules into their face why not give them some constructive criticsm for the more naive halo population
however, i do agree with some harsher comments for those egotistic “white” gangsta” ones. im not racist. (not sarcasm)
I certainly could have gone the constructive route (and I did consider that actually) but the fact of the matter is that I don’t make videos thus I don’t feel I’m the right person to be giving pointers. I do enjoy watching them so that is the perspective I opted to take, the most common mistakes I see that directly affect the overall viewing experience. :)
I have to agree that most commentators are quite bad, and the ESPN/MLG Top Ten guy, I used to hate but now I don’t mind him, in fact I’m glad that he puts *thinking of a word* enthusiasm into his commentating (is that the right word?), I’ll give you all an example of a top ten without any enthusiasm, or an apparent lack of enthusiasm:
As soon as I get a capture card, a decent editing software program, and a PC headset w/ mice I’m going to create a video with: Breaking Benjamin, an shot of a double kill w/ rockets replayed 10 times with “epic” displayed on the bottom, then showing a banshee suicide w/ bad spelling mistakes on the bottom telling what happened. After that I’ll show my super awesome, killionaire laser kill with replays and commentary going on.
Yep the internet will never be the same after Angel’s done looking at that vid. ~_~
NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO … ;)
Person, you made me poop my pants a little. U R scaring me. ;)
I happen to agree with your rant, by the way.
here is another word used to much in the Halo community
“Rape”
Dane Cook is lol. Sometimes.
Someone who understands^
There needs to be a website that archives the Halo vids that adhere to these strict but fair rules so that future generations can see that some among our number were truely original when making such things. In fact that should go for all Game video clips.