I Deserve a Mute-tacular Medal

I’m pretty sure I set a gaming record the other night with how many people I managed to mute while playing Halo 3. More times than not I scored a mute-tacular with the majority of the games requiring a total mute-astrophe. I am convinced that I successfully silenced 99% of the Xbox Live population in a single night. I found myself thanking my lucky stars over and over again for the much-needed addition of the user friendly “asshole” button Halo 3 brought us. Muting has never been so easy.

The need to constantly mute all our opponents created a discussion within our party about how we wished there were blanket mute options. Someone suggested being able to mute everybody under the age of 18. While many people agreed, I found it inching too close to discrimination, not to mention that I know several young people who are quite mature and certainly nicer than the majority of foul-mouthed randoms trolling Live. Muting by gamer zone was also brought up but again, much too broad. So instead I made a survey that I think all gamers should have to fill out when signing up for Xbox Live. If anyone answers yes to two or more of these questions, I think my settings should allow for an automatic mute. I can’t even begin to imagine how much time and trouble this system would save me.

Do you think people will think you are a super cool bad ass if you play offensive, obscene music at ear-shattering levels directly into your microphone?

Does the thought of repeatedly dipping your virtual nutsack into complete strangers’ faces make you positively giddy with excitement?

Would you be willing to sacrifice your teammate’s life who just picked up the weapon you wanted in order to acquire possession of said weapon?

Do you think that any player that doesn’t perform up to your standards should break their game disc, throw their 360 out the window, and buy a Wii?

Are you aware that anybody who is a higher rank than you is pathetic and needs to get a life, even though they have fewer played games than you?

When you encounter a rare breed of a gamer often referred to as a female, do you feel the need to ask what the status of your sandwich is?

Do you think everybody you are playing with wants to hear constant commentary of your double kills with rockets and other highly impressive gaming feats?

Is insulting everybody in the room with an offensive racially charged slur the best way to get off on the right foot at the beginning of each game?

Do you agree with this statement? Xbox Live’s primary purpose is to function as my own personal dating and virtual hook up service.

Are you convinced that anybody who beats you is either cheating, modding, or enjoys having relations with people of the same sex?

I said before the survey that anybody who answers yes to two or more of these questions would automatically get an instant mute from me. I would like to revise that to anybody who says yes to any of the questions would get an instant mute. From all of us.

*Mute-acular medal made by Penguinish.